How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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