I am midnight drunk by noon
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
