My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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