I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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