Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
