as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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