epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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