Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
