What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
