So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
