I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
