Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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