and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
