bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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