The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
