Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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