I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
