dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
