I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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