so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
