it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
