dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
