he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can you bring me the toilet please
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
