The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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