ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
time to smoke my breakfast
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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