why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
why is half of my head shaved?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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