My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
