a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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