so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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