i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
