every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
