Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
