There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
