I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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