Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
