you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
