What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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