i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
