i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
