I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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