My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Need sex. Gaining weight.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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