some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
