Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
