What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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