Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
