never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
