I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
