He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
