ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
