She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
