Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
