We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
