You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We need to get me chipped asap
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
